I got so much feelings, I could fill a whole city

I think the hardest thing about having a dad thats totally cold and an asshole is probably that you have to be cold enough to not care about how hurting his acts are while trying to not get too cold, so you wont end up just like him. In general by fighting against him you are always afraid, and will be for the rest of your life, to end up acting like him. Every step you’ll take… you’ll compare it to his to make sure you are as far away from being like him as you could be. Sometimes you’ll even act totally wrong, just to not act like him. Having a bad dad actually changes your whole way of living. While good parents will show you how to live right, bad parents will show you just what kinda way of living isn’t right and you can’t focus on being good, you’ll just focus on being different and as far away as you could. The pain will freeze every last bit of logic that’s left and will exchange it with anxiety. 

Ich fühle mich schlecht. Ein Sekundenzustand, ein Lebensurteil. Ein Abschnitt, der langsam zu einem allgegenwärtigen Zustand wird. Die Gedanken kreisen darum und mein eigenes Gehirn verwandelt sich in Gift. Das Denken zerfließt, wird zu einer ätzenden Flüssigkeit, die durch meine Venen schießt. Ich bin unfähig. Ein Satz, eine moralische Vorstellung. Ein paar Buchstaben, die sich langsam in eine endgültige Entscheidung entwickeln. Denn sie sind unter der Haut, tätowiert mit Cyanid. Die Berührung damit tötet alles, was ich bin und je war. Ich kann nicht besser sein. Ein kleiner Strich, dennoch ein Schlussstrich. Ein Strich, der alles zunichte macht, was je vor ihm stand. Ich kann nicht schlafen, ich kann nicht essen und nicht atmen. Denn ich bin das Gift. Und ich habe mich langsam selbst vergiftet.

Would you like to run away? And that's exactly what he said Want to make it to the cay? And I think he's gone mad but Maybe that's the magic everyones talking' about He's dangerous and already over the crowd Makes the water split And his fire could never burn out He's a freedom symbol and that's what it's all about Dancing through a star full night And I never knew what he was feeding from But he's burning light Body full of electricity Never seen such a free facility But I knew how everyone is right It shined too bright If you leave the prince, then you'll have to pay the price Remember first meeting her Standing in ovation Selfish, this girl is a nation Fire in her eyes and still Thought she could be the salvation Always up for potation And I guess She's the definition Of a rendition for ambition But this girl's drama will lead to opposition Drivin' up to far Opened up her heart Shipping for the stars ...

My idols are skinny as a stick Everywhere are bones sticking out of it and My idols are all super depressed And at least 10 years dead cause Cocaine is a dangerous thing But it makes so sarcastic, it is a dream And I love all the black and white that turns into blue When I’m so high and drunk and no-one knows what I’m going through My idols are all super rich But there are broken so they get nothing outta it My idols are all dressed black like pitch And at least wear 10 scars cause Money is a bad bitch And the biggest problem is, I am so in love with it And I love all the lies and fights that turn into success When i’m so high and restless and no-one knows that I’ll die for the rest

To me it really seems like most people are not even close to know what anorexia means.                                                                       For most it’s a mental illness, for many not even that, it’s more like being trendy enough to wear size 0.                                                          I’ll tell you, as one of the 85% that survive this illness what it really means.  It means deciding every day, for the rest of your life, to die. Not like a suicidal person that, after years, comes to the point to kill themselves, or like a murderer to have a day where you finally hate someone so much from the bottom of your heart that you come to ...