I got so much feelings, I could fill a whole city

I am so sick of thinking about your pretty pale skin every second of the day But your perfect dark hair and your smart way You’re always better than I could ever be Makes me crush on you, drives me crazy   You don’t even know that since 3 months I day dream about you And I wish you and your beautiful eyes would die in a car crash too Cause since I first saw you   There was something aching in my heart and not making me able to go to bed And I want it to die right with your fucking hot skinny body and your beautiful head At the end of the day I’m just someone you rarely talk to And I am sick of acting like you would ever like me too So I still wish for a way to make you vanish very bad Cause I hate the things that I can’t have And I hate my feelings that always lead to make me going mad Cause I somehow always chose things that’ll make me sad You’re a decided suicide to me with eyes green like American money And I hope I’ll get home before my mascara gets run

I think the hardest thing about having a dad thats totally cold and an asshole is probably that you have to be cold enough to not care about how hurting his acts are while trying to not get too cold, so you wont end up just like him. In general by fighting against him you are always afraid, and will be for the rest of your life, to end up acting like him. Every step you’ll take… you’ll compare it to his to make sure you are as far away from being like him as you could be. Sometimes you’ll even act totally wrong, just to not act like him. Having a bad dad actually changes your whole way of living. While good parents will show you how to live right, bad parents will show you just what kinda way of living isn’t right and you can’t focus on being good, you’ll just focus on being different and as far away as you could. The pain will freeze every last bit of logic that’s left and will exchange it with anxiety. 

I was always so well behaved While you were playing your games And I talked appropriate   Never tried to break the chains You got me so loyal Even was trying to change my morals I would’ve been everything for you But you were untrue Tonight I’ll prefer dancing with the truth Cause at the end it’s all on you, yeah, it’s all on you You were lyin and breakin the rules And I won’t shame myself for liking someone better than you And you might got money  But you ain’t got nothing for me He’s pure honey And you’re not even funny And at the end it’s all on you I was spinnin and sinning all night I tried to be brave, but I got so high Cocaine and something in my veins Spinnin on my feet on your expensive life How he’s so much hotter But seems like I am not what he likes And he’s like suicide Now I am in love with dying all night Tonight I’ll prefer dancing with the truth Cause at the end it’s all on you, yeah, it’s all on you You were lyin an

My dreams are dead while my knees still bled But baby, I got a shotgun And I wonder If after all, I got a way back before the fall But baby, I got a truncheon Ask myself if they provocated my anger to have a better soldier But baby, I got a baton We got weapons to win this eclat Will create jars of traumas  Leaves us with an own inner war But what are we fighting for And honey, I got a machine gun for the rival But every killed one will live forever in my head I got told it’s for the nations survival But how could living be this close to death I better get up and function before they’ll deprival My last hopes and dreams I still try to see enemies But they are afraid and they are just like me Been told to be a legendary But I rather die free So baby, I got a shotgun And with my own blood on my hands I’ll give up the long run So the last thing with worth can’t be taken away from me My humanity

I got dressed up for nothing at all `Cause Daisy set up a call To everyone in class And I grabbed a glass To ignore that I am not invited at all Party at my own at my Daddy’s bar There`s nothing I have to live for `Cause Daisy didn’t call And my cocaine My self hate Never gone this far But tonight… I`ll ignore the facts I`ll just dance on the table, full of XANAX And tonight… again I`ll lose my faith This whisky bottle is the best friend I ever had And they say its not dangerous to be this lonely But I feel the opposite of holy

Ich fühle mich schlecht. Ein Sekundenzustand, ein Lebensurteil. Ein Abschnitt, der langsam zu einem allgegenwärtigen Zustand wird. Die Gedanken kreisen darum und mein eigenes Gehirn verwandelt sich in Gift. Das Denken zerfließt, wird zu einer ätzenden Flüssigkeit, die durch meine Venen schießt. Ich bin unfähig. Ein Satz, eine moralische Vorstellung. Ein paar Buchstaben, die sich langsam in eine endgültige Entscheidung entwickeln. Denn sie sind unter der Haut, tätowiert mit Cyanid. Die Berührung damit tötet alles, was ich bin und je war. Ich kann nicht besser sein. Ein kleiner Strich, dennoch ein Schlussstrich. Ein Strich, der alles zunichte macht, was je vor ihm stand. Ich kann nicht schlafen, ich kann nicht essen und nicht atmen. Denn ich bin das Gift. Und ich habe mich langsam selbst vergiftet.

Would you like to run away? And that's exactly what he said Want to make it to the cay? And I think he's gone mad but Maybe that's the magic everyones talking' about He's dangerous and already over the crowd Makes the water split And his fire could never burn out He's a freedom symbol and that's what it's all about Dancing through a star full night And I never knew what he was feeding from But he's burning light Body full of electricity Never seen such a free facility But I knew how everyone is right It shined too bright If you leave the prince, then you'll have to pay the price Remember first meeting her Standing in ovation Selfish, this girl is a nation Fire in her eyes and still Thought she could be the salvation Always up for potation And I guess She's the definition Of a rendition for ambition But this girl's drama will lead to opposition Drivin' up to far Opened up her heart Shipping for the stars

Maybe I just never found myself at the bottom of the bottle wine or at the end of a drive, because the stars I saw already burned out, never shined. 

Slowing down was never my thing If I'm in then I'll make it worth it All the coins on 23 Even if I know he's just for the moment what I need Rushing it full into the wall, high speed My Passion is setting with the flames  Are nearly burning my skin I never cared what they think If I feel then I'll feel the hell out of it Dumb honey and high money Skyline and all funny They always said if I just start the game then noone can hold me And they're right  I'll take the lie For my drama for the night Ill be your true love and your dead flight

My idols are skinny as a stick Everywhere are bones sticking out of it and My idols are all super depressed And at least 10 years dead cause Cocaine is a dangerous thing But it makes so sarcastic, it is a dream And I love all the black and white that turns into blue When I’m so high and drunk and no-one knows what I’m going through My idols are all super rich But there are broken so they get nothing outta it My idols are all dressed black like pitch And at least wear 10 scars cause Money is a bad bitch And the biggest problem is, I am so in love with it And I love all the lies and fights that turn into success When i’m so high and restless and no-one knows that I’ll die for the rest

To me it really seems like most people are not even close to know what anorexia means.                                                                       For most it’s a mental illness, for many not even that, it’s more like being trendy enough to wear size 0.                                                          I’ll tell you, as one of the 85% that survive this illness what it really means.  It means deciding every day, for the rest of your life, to die. Not like a suicidal person that, after years, comes to the point to kill themselves, or like a murderer to have a day where you finally hate someone so much from the bottom of your heart that you come to one weak point, where you finally decide to kill them. It means to never come to the point, but waking every day up to it. It means to not chose it after years, but living it for years. Choosing dead over life 60 seconds a minute, 60 minutes an hour, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Years over years until its finally over.